Graham Horne.

Danny's Bar, Lev 1 Esquires Bedford. 18th Febuary 2005.

One or two of you might not know this, but I was once in a reasonably successful rock band. I gave it the full-on rock god – long hair, cowboy boots, tight leather trousers with half a cucumber down the front, and stage moves that must have had Jim Morrison turning in his grave... Young men envied me, and, most importantly, young women loved me. So what’s my problem?

Well, the first thing that struck me about walking in to see Graham Horne was the overpowering stench of cheap perfume, emanating from a bar absolutely chock full of 6th form girls (or thereabouts – you’ll thank me one day). Anyway, still don’t see my problem? Well, the full on rock god image I mentioned before didn’t come easy, and there’s Mr Horne standing with his acoustic guitar (that’s right, I did say standing, and not prancing with a mic stand positioned erotically between his legs), looking like your favourite school teacher surrounded by hot chicks! What’s that all about? Bloody sickening is what!

But how can you not like Graham Horne? Bashing out excellent covers of all your favourite diet-rock songs (which might explain the presence of so many females), with some genuinely funny between-song banter to boot. Special mention has to go to his take on Joshua Tree-era U2, which I can tell from experience takes more talent than I ever had! Best of all though, is that point towards the end of a gig where people start shouting ‘More’… at Graham Horne’s gigs they shout ‘Horne’ instead, which I continue to find hilarious no matter how many times I see him!

All that’s left to say is don’t ever get yourself a cucumber, Graham, or the rest of us guys will have no chance!