The Tendons, Citizen Keyne, None Of Your Fucking Business.

Lev 2 Esquires Bedford. 23rd April 2010.

St George's Day in 2010 just happens to fall on a Friday. That surely means an Esquires party and, above all, a punk party. Nationalistic fervour is in the nostrils of a huge percentage of the people assembled here tonight. The pre-advertised band Rogue are replaced by NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! A Nuneaton five piece, they are very proud of their hometown. They inform us that it is the birthplace of such diverse people as George Elliott, Ken Loach and even Larry 'shut that door' Grayson. Quite a mix of culture. They have a frontman whose banter is both witty and funny. He begins by saying "We are so in the future. Our set list is on my mobile"! Holding the mic stand in one hand and a pint in the other, on this patriotic day he has decided to wear a Ghana football shirt. His favourite player is obviously Stepen Appiah.

NOYFB are very much in the style of The Macc Lads ( of which they cover a song). Their song titles are quite hilarious. They include "Jizzy Sick" (about the vocalist's past sexual disaster), "My mum's tits are bigger than yours", "Billy and his ten foot willy", plus a sad lament about a late television personality called "Beadle's not about anymore" (poor Jeremy!). The inbred population of the outskirts of Nuneaton are also dealt with. In fact, the general NOYFB philosophy is without doubt "getting pissed and having a laugh"!

Esquires favourite MK cousins are back. CITIZEN KEYNE, led by their irrepressible frontman John, set the scene for this evening. "Oi, oi! On the day we slayed the fucking dragon, it's time to go mental, mental, mental!". With excellent travelling support who totally agree that its all about "Punk not fashion", they join in with "Way of life". With football's big tournament coming up shortly, John is less than impressed with John Barnes' rapping and "Diamond Lights" by Hoddle and Waddle. In fact, CK have their own world cup offering called, naturally, "Oi for England"! John, like the good 'shepherd' that he is, rounds up his flock and gets them assembled around him. The results are either incredible or cheesy as they shout out together "Bollox". Perhaps the unlikeliest cover has to be CK performing "Breaking the law". A rare outing of gay oi punk metal! 'Judas Priestish'!! John probably best describes the evening's vibe in the words of an absent punk character. We certainly did "ave it large".

Since they formed way back in 1986, THE TENDONS have fully established themselves as Bedford's fully active premier punk band. The guvnors are led, as ever, by Bedford's number one punk supporter Mr Jon Bately. Their songs are a reflection of a true working class hero. It's so apparent. "Life's Shit" - well it is, isn't it? For those of us who prefer not to use Bedford High St, at least we get to avoid those bleedin' "Trendy Wankers". "Johnny Don't Care" is about a man who left Bedford owing tons of money to many people. With friends in abundance, The Tendons keep it coming fast. "Bedford Girls", "Dettol Dick", "Pub Slag", "Fuck her to Death"! As we are after the watershed, the expletives are used thick and fast. "I love Famine", Blubber Guts" and "Schoolgirl Teaser" keep a predominantly Northants / Bucks crowd happy. Bedford people, where were you - this is The Tendons! As always, "Evil" is performed and The 4 Skins could not have done it better. Brilliant!